If there is one thing I do not like to do, is to be honest about how I feel when it comes to my weight. So many times I feel conflicted, should I embrace my size, and say I am beautiful just the way I am? Or should I look at myself and see all the imperfections I have. If I accept me for who I am, am I saying I don't need to change, but if I say there is something wrong, am I'm not happy with me? The truth is, I am not happy with me! I am NOT healthy, I am not fit, and I cannot do the things I was able to do 10 years ago, and that is not good, actually it's sad, pretty much a warning sign of what's to come if I don't stop, and accept the fact that fat is NOT healthy! If I don't change I'm going to die!
I'm so tired of being told by other girls who are big that me not accepting myself is wrong. Well you are wrong! You are not me, and you do not have the right to say it's wrong for me! If you want to accept you, for you good! I encourage that..but I'll be damned if let you tell me I should be ashamed, because I am ashamed of how unhealthy I have let myself become! Who are you? That's what I thought!
The first thing I need to be is honest with myself! I am fat! I'm unhealthy, I do not eat right, I don't get enough activity. I can't walk very far without being out of breath, and sweating like a pig. I can't stand long before my lower back is hurting and I'm bending over something to take the pressure off of my lower spine! I have always been overweight, but in high school I walked everywhere I went! I loved it! I would walk my dogs religiously, sometimes two or three times a day. I use to wake up and walk early in the morning, usually with George, then in the afternoon with Tina..and then the evening with both dogs! I walked to the library, pool, park, stores, school, YMCA etc. My walk was like a run. Now I hardly make it to my aunts house, who lives next doors. I go to shows and sit down instead of standing, and malls, shopping centers, fairs, and having to walk blocks to a building about kills me! I hate that! I don't like it at all..and this is NOT where I want to be! If I don't make a change, how much longer will my heart last? That is the question.
I need to make a change, and I know that I have support. I know this (in real life..interwebs people pretty much suck especially on certain PSW groups..(they are the "yeah I'm fat and happy I can hardly walk, and when I do I jiggle" and let me take naked picture of my fat rolls so guys can tell me how hot I look and I can feel better about being fat girls) I need to feed on their support, and know they are hear to help me,and get me through this.
I need to start eating better..which is hard to do when you come from a southern family who eats everything fried, and full of lard (or butter)! Even though I'm to the point I hate fried food.. also when you have things like chocolate, chips, cookies, popcorn, and pizzas in the kitchen. I need to withstand those tempations.
I need to make a change for me, and be truthly honest with myself
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